Dear Reverend Rick,
If I have $6 and my brother needs to borrow $7 how can I tell him he was adopted and no one really loves him?
- Honest in Omaha
Dear Honest,
What a wonderfully poignant question! It is both topical and sharp!
The greater implication of this query however, is addressing things like:
Is there an economic disparity between classes of people, are women's rights a right or a rite, is the glass ceiling a mosaic, is tic-tac-toe an Olympic sport or just a way of life, and is classicist hatred a viable tool for the economic dominance and control of 2 or more races?
Well, maybe I'm reading too much into your situation but perhaps not?. If your brother "happens to be" a Norwegian-Japanese-Albino asking for money and you are Girl with $6 and real parents, well - that stereotype is as borderline universal as a Polish joke.
I imagine the real question you should be asking is why doesn't he already realize that no one loves him? If he knows no one really loves him, his self esteem would be adequate enough to slough off the hatred of both family and the entire world, and if he doesn't know that he is both despised and adopted, maybe you have a larger problem on your hands!
After all, I'm doubting that you have very many other Norwegian-Japanese-Albino's in your family and if he doesn't realize that he's adopted already you are facing the reality that he's quite dumb too.
If you did all your fact checking then you know that Norwegian-Japanese-Albino's have the highest suicide rate among the island nations of Micronesia.*
*Carl will be missed.
If your bother is poverty stricken, adopted, unloved, and dumb - then
perhaps the best thing you can do is not to tell him anything at all
directly.
After all, he wouldn't understand your plea for him to despise himself and not feel like a member of the family - He's a Norwegian-Japanese-Albino! They have historically resilient personalities! And unless he's living in a hot and sunny place like Micronesia he might not feel suicidal at all!
I am assuming that at least one of his adopted parents tolerates him?
Perhaps you really need to petition your parents to maker harsher rules that limit his freedoms and thus protect your own freedom and your $6 nest egg.
This is a very modern method for securing your own freedoms and I will applaud you in advance for being so progressive. You simply petition the extension of your own rights via the limiting of your brothers.
Do you not want your brother going to dinner with you and your parents? Take them aside when your brother is slathering himself in sunscreen and slip them a couple of Washington's asking them to leave him at home more often, later you can increase your foothold by banning him from specific things or family events.
"Just think of the money you could save on sunscreen alone" you could tell them. Be creative, but always with the same basic message. You should steadily increase your bonds with your parents while making them wonder why they adopted him in the first place. In 2 short months he'll be listed on e-bay with a $5 "buy it now!!" option.
This situation makes me think of a common quote that was once said:
"Those who don't know their own history are doomed".
I never knew what was meant by "doomed" and it always seemed ominous to me the time I heard it, so I'm using it here to let you know that this is the key to your own strategy or leverage.
Your brother is separated from his own history by circumstance and this is your best chance to secure your own parental love and $6 by keeping him in the dark until the day you spent enough time and energy lobbying your folks to hate him as much as you do.
Do the right thing and don't try to work out your differences between the two of you - it's hopeless!
He's a Norwegian-Japanese-Albino!
They are statistically the most warring race of people on this earth! - It's True!! **
Author's footnote:
**A Norwegian-Japanese-Albino was once jilted by a friend once who refused to pay
for his second Mai-Tai. The friend was not invited on the next outing. Carl bought
Mai-Tai's for everyone then posted it on Facebook immediately.
Yours Truly,
Reverend Rick
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Thursday, December 3, 2009
The Hollywood Oracle
Dear Reverend Rick,
According to the Mayan calendar, the world is going to end in 2012. Do you support this stance (and the action movie it has spawned)?
CDF
Dear CDF,
I must kindly point out that only two blogs before this one i did one on the Mayan Calendar. I will recap-then answer your question, and well, keep up with the posts!
According to the Mayan Calendar (the long count portion of it) the world will NOT end - but the cycle of the long count does.
It's just like the Mayans grabbing one of our calendars and saying "hey you guys just ended this in December very abruptly...HOLY CRAP IT'S THE END OF DAYS!!!"
The answer is no, you just have to get a newly illustrated long count calendar with kitties, puppies, or men for your home or office.
The cycle marks the complete 360 degree rotation of the winter solstice and it is going to be when the plane of our solar system is in line with the plane of our galaxy - and the time when movie and book publishers make lucrative deals exploiting peoples gullibility.
In fact the date Dec 12, 2012 at 11:11 is for the particular place on the planet where the calendar was created and began the count. You would actually have to adjust your watch depending on where you are. Furthermore, this is the mathematical breakdown of the cycle to the minute. It's not like the solar system will jump or lock into place from being off kilter in when the clock strikes. The solar system and milky way are not paper thin, so the alignment is actually spread over a number of years.
The hysteria over the date may very well be localized to that time considering they don't sell illustrated long count calendars at hallmark anymore and people won't just buy a new one to hang on the wall and go about their day. They'll buy into Hollywood or not (people will exponentially lean towards NOT as the date approaches - i can assure you).
I do believe this is a very special time in our history though. The Mayans developed the calendar not only from watching the movements of the planets to a supreme degree of accuracy, but it seems they based their system on a woman's biological system too. It takes into account a full term pregnancy in their counting method. So there is a good reason to believe that they had a keen insight into the link between the motions of the planets and our biological system.
The part where they royally messed up was believing they could control the environment by killing babies. But hey, keep in mind the Mayan calendar was not created by the Maya, only modified. It was inherited from earlier meso-american civilizations like the Olmec. The entire civilization lasted thousands of years and the people who created it were vastly different than the ones who threw babies down temples. Sooner or later government beauracricy will F*CK things up.
Lastly, let me introduce Mr. Terence McKenna.
While often thought to be a fringe scientist in his lifetime who studied anything from Mushrooms and DMT (Dimethyl triptamine) to Chaos theory, he stumbled upon the date of 2012 as an important date to come in our history. His research was done long before any hype of 2012 and he hadn't even heard of the Mayan Calendar, but he based his research on what he called a "Novelty Timeline" or "Novelty Map". He mapped out major and unique events in all recorded history and geological history and gave a higher value to more "unique" or "world changing" events, hence the word "novlety". For example the invention of the printing press would show a spike on the timeline and Columbus' discovery of America would rate pretty high too. He analyzed the cycles of peaks and valleys and used it as a mathmatical model to forcast changes in the future. While it can't tell him what will happen, the model can is supposed to predict the when portion. He showed a significant spike around 2012. This means it is an invention, creation, discovery, or the like which will have a major impact on our world.
In truth, only time will tell, but don't hedge your bets that it will be the earth caving in, exploding or whatever the Hollywood "Oracle" wants you to believe. It might just be something not even known that is discovered, or invented and developed over many years. Keep in mind that the day Columbus set foot on American soil, nobody in Spain had any idea!
But really i don't put much stock in the "End of the World" crap. I'm much more hopeful that Aliens will come down take me aboard their ship and leave a horrible virus that will turn everyone else into losers.
Hey, can't i have my own Hollywood ending??
Reverend Rick
According to the Mayan calendar, the world is going to end in 2012. Do you support this stance (and the action movie it has spawned)?
CDF
Dear CDF,
I must kindly point out that only two blogs before this one i did one on the Mayan Calendar. I will recap-then answer your question, and well, keep up with the posts!
According to the Mayan Calendar (the long count portion of it) the world will NOT end - but the cycle of the long count does.
It's just like the Mayans grabbing one of our calendars and saying "hey you guys just ended this in December very abruptly...HOLY CRAP IT'S THE END OF DAYS!!!"
The answer is no, you just have to get a newly illustrated long count calendar with kitties, puppies, or men for your home or office.
The cycle marks the complete 360 degree rotation of the winter solstice and it is going to be when the plane of our solar system is in line with the plane of our galaxy - and the time when movie and book publishers make lucrative deals exploiting peoples gullibility.
In fact the date Dec 12, 2012 at 11:11 is for the particular place on the planet where the calendar was created and began the count. You would actually have to adjust your watch depending on where you are. Furthermore, this is the mathematical breakdown of the cycle to the minute. It's not like the solar system will jump or lock into place from being off kilter in when the clock strikes. The solar system and milky way are not paper thin, so the alignment is actually spread over a number of years.
The hysteria over the date may very well be localized to that time considering they don't sell illustrated long count calendars at hallmark anymore and people won't just buy a new one to hang on the wall and go about their day. They'll buy into Hollywood or not (people will exponentially lean towards NOT as the date approaches - i can assure you).
I do believe this is a very special time in our history though. The Mayans developed the calendar not only from watching the movements of the planets to a supreme degree of accuracy, but it seems they based their system on a woman's biological system too. It takes into account a full term pregnancy in their counting method. So there is a good reason to believe that they had a keen insight into the link between the motions of the planets and our biological system.
The part where they royally messed up was believing they could control the environment by killing babies. But hey, keep in mind the Mayan calendar was not created by the Maya, only modified. It was inherited from earlier meso-american civilizations like the Olmec. The entire civilization lasted thousands of years and the people who created it were vastly different than the ones who threw babies down temples. Sooner or later government beauracricy will F*CK things up.
Lastly, let me introduce Mr. Terence McKenna.
While often thought to be a fringe scientist in his lifetime who studied anything from Mushrooms and DMT (Dimethyl triptamine) to Chaos theory, he stumbled upon the date of 2012 as an important date to come in our history. His research was done long before any hype of 2012 and he hadn't even heard of the Mayan Calendar, but he based his research on what he called a "Novelty Timeline" or "Novelty Map". He mapped out major and unique events in all recorded history and geological history and gave a higher value to more "unique" or "world changing" events, hence the word "novlety". For example the invention of the printing press would show a spike on the timeline and Columbus' discovery of America would rate pretty high too. He analyzed the cycles of peaks and valleys and used it as a mathmatical model to forcast changes in the future. While it can't tell him what will happen, the model can is supposed to predict the when portion. He showed a significant spike around 2012. This means it is an invention, creation, discovery, or the like which will have a major impact on our world.
In truth, only time will tell, but don't hedge your bets that it will be the earth caving in, exploding or whatever the Hollywood "Oracle" wants you to believe. It might just be something not even known that is discovered, or invented and developed over many years. Keep in mind that the day Columbus set foot on American soil, nobody in Spain had any idea!
But really i don't put much stock in the "End of the World" crap. I'm much more hopeful that Aliens will come down take me aboard their ship and leave a horrible virus that will turn everyone else into losers.
Hey, can't i have my own Hollywood ending??
Reverend Rick
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Big Big Events
Today I've got a right lovely reader's e-mail to respond to:
Dear Rev. Rick,
Why do big events occur on even years: the Olympics, Elections, etc…? Are they afraid the odds are against them, in other words is it based in superstition?
JRAS
Dear JRAS,
Big events occur on even years because the Universe began at Year 0. That was a mighty big event. We weren't even there and we're still hearing about the party from nerdy scientists who weren't even invited to the "Big Bang".
Early attempts to even describe the event always fall short of capturing the essence of the event. On day-one after the bang it was "Remember yesterday? That was really cool!" and as days went by and years went by it was "The Super Awesome Event that happened that one time".
As man came onto the planet evolving from the pure boundless energy from "The Greatest Party Ever Thrown" he evolved and evolved and some species of man branched into the Nerd-anderthal and the Geekazoid. They were not interested in recreating parties, events, or "big bangin parties". While others were honoring the "Really Fun Thing that happened before any of us could remember" They were trying to figure out what happened while they were in their basement playing Magic the Gathering.
What they did do was study it with telescopes like a Geeky frat nerd watching a panty raid.
All the while Humans were having major events and important things fall on even numbered dates. They don't even remember the "Big Bang" at this point because they were so loaded at the time, but all these events are smaller and smaller "after parties" if you will, timed and synchronized to the beginning of time in honor of "The Greatest Party Ever Thrown"
See What I mean?
Reverend Rick
Dear Rev. Rick,
Why do big events occur on even years: the Olympics, Elections, etc…? Are they afraid the odds are against them, in other words is it based in superstition?
JRAS
Dear JRAS,
Big events occur on even years because the Universe began at Year 0. That was a mighty big event. We weren't even there and we're still hearing about the party from nerdy scientists who weren't even invited to the "Big Bang".
Early attempts to even describe the event always fall short of capturing the essence of the event. On day-one after the bang it was "Remember yesterday? That was really cool!" and as days went by and years went by it was "The Super Awesome Event that happened that one time".
As man came onto the planet evolving from the pure boundless energy from "The Greatest Party Ever Thrown" he evolved and evolved and some species of man branched into the Nerd-anderthal and the Geekazoid. They were not interested in recreating parties, events, or "big bangin parties". While others were honoring the "Really Fun Thing that happened before any of us could remember" They were trying to figure out what happened while they were in their basement playing Magic the Gathering.
What they did do was study it with telescopes like a Geeky frat nerd watching a panty raid.
All the while Humans were having major events and important things fall on even numbered dates. They don't even remember the "Big Bang" at this point because they were so loaded at the time, but all these events are smaller and smaller "after parties" if you will, timed and synchronized to the beginning of time in honor of "The Greatest Party Ever Thrown"
See What I mean?
Reverend Rick
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Mayan Calendar
Hi all, sorry i haven't posted in a while. It's a bit of effort to make a new post everyday, but I'll try and keep up better. Plus, i'm not sure if any one but my wife and one or two friends have read any of this!
Today i was thinking about our system of counting time and our calendar and why we have the particular calendar we have and what other systems have been in place in other cultures.
There has been tons of talk about Dec 21, 2012 in pop culture and now in movies. There's been a lot of chatter because that is the day that the Mayan Calendar "ends".
I wanted to look into that and find out what the fuss is because like most people i have no clue how the calendar works. I've listened to people talk about what they think it means, but i have yet to hear people speaking of it as it actually functions.
I do know the Mayans had a calendar system that was precise to a degree that our calendar doesn't even come close to. It takes into account not only the days, the months, and the years in our solar system, but it also factors the cycles and alignments of our solar system with the entire galaxy.
The 2012 mark on their calendar is the end of one epoch and the beginning of another. This is a galactic event that is very unusual though. Dec 21 2012 is the point where the winter solstice has made a 360 degree rotation in respect to the milky way and our solar plane will be aligned with the plane of our entire galaxy (the milky way). This is a galactic event that happens once every 26000 years! They marked this in their calendar as a new epoch, and in fact our solar system will stay in alignment for the next 700 years (since the galaxy has a bit of thickness to it).
They used a base 20 counting system instead of our base 10 for their calender and i suppose it is no accident as to why they used it considering it predicts the movement of our planet, the surrounding planets, even the entire solar system in respect to our galaxy.
Absolutely amazing considering they had no technology like we have today to measure and observe - and a complete mystery to me as to how they accomplished that.
Today i was thinking about our system of counting time and our calendar and why we have the particular calendar we have and what other systems have been in place in other cultures.
There has been tons of talk about Dec 21, 2012 in pop culture and now in movies. There's been a lot of chatter because that is the day that the Mayan Calendar "ends".
I wanted to look into that and find out what the fuss is because like most people i have no clue how the calendar works. I've listened to people talk about what they think it means, but i have yet to hear people speaking of it as it actually functions.
I do know the Mayans had a calendar system that was precise to a degree that our calendar doesn't even come close to. It takes into account not only the days, the months, and the years in our solar system, but it also factors the cycles and alignments of our solar system with the entire galaxy.
The 2012 mark on their calendar is the end of one epoch and the beginning of another. This is a galactic event that is very unusual though. Dec 21 2012 is the point where the winter solstice has made a 360 degree rotation in respect to the milky way and our solar plane will be aligned with the plane of our entire galaxy (the milky way). This is a galactic event that happens once every 26000 years! They marked this in their calendar as a new epoch, and in fact our solar system will stay in alignment for the next 700 years (since the galaxy has a bit of thickness to it).
They used a base 20 counting system instead of our base 10 for their calender and i suppose it is no accident as to why they used it considering it predicts the movement of our planet, the surrounding planets, even the entire solar system in respect to our galaxy.
Absolutely amazing considering they had no technology like we have today to measure and observe - and a complete mystery to me as to how they accomplished that.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Kevin Mitnick
I found this picture online. This is a business card for Kevin Mitnick, one of the most infamous Hackers and "Social Engineers" of all time. (the tools on the card are lock picking tools).
He credits most of his accomplishments with accessing data bases and security codes to social engineering - which in layman's terms could mean anything from talking up a bus driver so you can find out where to purchase your own bus ticket stamp to ride for free or calling the blond secretary of a large company and convincing her you are very important and need the security codes.
He spent time evading the law and spent time in prison as well. He even had to spend time in solitary confinement because a judge was afraid he would be able to whistle in a phone and start an nuclear war!
There are little bits of truth to the ability to whistle in a phone. (to get free calls though). A man with the moniker Capn' Crunch could do that. He discovered a capn crunch toy whistle that emitted the right frequency to activate free long distance on the phone network - he was then able to mimic that to make free calls any time.
Kevin Mitnick is now on the reformed side of the law and works hard to ensure secure and stable networks and systems are in place.
Huh! Who says crime never pays? (I wouldn't reccomend it though).
Reverend Rick
Also - i heard the coolest radio show once on coast to coast am that had Kevin Mitnick interviewing Steve Wozniack the creator of Apple computers. If you go to coast to coast am's website i believe pretty soon you will have acess to all their archives if you are a stream link member. Definetly worth listening to.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Rollerderby Kicks Ass
I just wanted to say that Roller derby kicks ass. I'm not sure if anyone reads this blog yet, save for people that know me but for those that don't, my wife is a Roller Derby Chick all the way.
With the recent movie that came out on the subject (Whip It) i thought i should mention something on the subject. It's scantily clad fast moving girls on skates + booze + rock n roll. It's a ton of fun and if you've got a league in your town - you should consider going to a game.
My wife needed a hobby a couple of years ago. She wanted something to do after work that would be fun and where she could make friends. She's definitely got that. She's got her time so booked up with practice, games, and fundraisers now, she doesn't have much time to be bored anymore.
I really love the fact that she can do something like this and do really well at it just because she set out to do it. If she had decided to stay at home after work and knit or something like that i don't think she'd be happy.
I think she can take out any aggression she has in the rink, and I don't have to feel any pent up pressure and stress coming out at me in random ways. She's got a place to escape, have fun, set goals and achieve them then come home and not have to unload a ton of problems in my ear.
She's much better about that than me anyway. She just puts it on the track and leaves it there. If you met her you'd be surprised that she does such an aggressive sport, but if you knew her like i do - you'd know she's competitive like hell.
So, keep an eye out for derby in your town or look into starting a league yourself.
here are some helpful links
USA Roller Sports
Womens Flat Track Derby Association
and if you live in Houston, come check out a South Side game...
South Side Roller Derby
Reverend Rick
With the recent movie that came out on the subject (Whip It) i thought i should mention something on the subject. It's scantily clad fast moving girls on skates + booze + rock n roll. It's a ton of fun and if you've got a league in your town - you should consider going to a game.
My wife needed a hobby a couple of years ago. She wanted something to do after work that would be fun and where she could make friends. She's definitely got that. She's got her time so booked up with practice, games, and fundraisers now, she doesn't have much time to be bored anymore.
I really love the fact that she can do something like this and do really well at it just because she set out to do it. If she had decided to stay at home after work and knit or something like that i don't think she'd be happy.
I think she can take out any aggression she has in the rink, and I don't have to feel any pent up pressure and stress coming out at me in random ways. She's got a place to escape, have fun, set goals and achieve them then come home and not have to unload a ton of problems in my ear.
She's much better about that than me anyway. She just puts it on the track and leaves it there. If you met her you'd be surprised that she does such an aggressive sport, but if you knew her like i do - you'd know she's competitive like hell.
So, keep an eye out for derby in your town or look into starting a league yourself.
here are some helpful links
USA Roller Sports
Womens Flat Track Derby Association
and if you live in Houston, come check out a South Side game...
South Side Roller Derby
Reverend Rick
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Tongue Trippin'
Today dear readers, I want to introduce you to the miracle berry or miracle fruit (Synsepalum dulcificum).
Say hello to this weird little bugger.
This is a west African berry with the ability to re-mix your taste buds like a mash up at a nightclub! It has the ability to change acidic foods to sweet - (sour, hot, etc.). In NY city, flavor tasting parties have become mildly popular where people pop some of these culinary chameleons and then down pickles, lemons, hot sauce, or all of the above at once! Any kind of sour/tart/acidic foods are changed to unusual sweet flavor combinations.
The fruit has something called "Miraculin" in it. (Real inventive scientific name huh?) Miraculin is a Glycoprotein that has no flavor in and of itself, but will alter your perception of flavor for up to an hour.
An article in the New York Times quoted tasters opinions as thus:
"limes were candied, vinegar resembled apple juice, goat cheese tasted like cheesecake on the tongue and goat cheese on the throat. Bananas were just bananas."
The berries are available to order over the Internet, but they are very expensive and perish quickly. They sell for about $2 or more a piece, and a freezer pack box of 30 is about $90 mailed overnight to your door.
Before you throw in the towel on "flavor tripping" parties being out of your price range, there are several companies that manufacture the berries in tablet form now and it is much less expensive.
I may have to spring for a box and let you know what it's like. The only question is, what food to try first? Maybe a bottle of Guiness with a Tabasco chaser? What, you don't think chocolate truffles and strawberry jam go together?
Reverend Rick
Say hello to this weird little bugger.
This is a west African berry with the ability to re-mix your taste buds like a mash up at a nightclub! It has the ability to change acidic foods to sweet - (sour, hot, etc.). In NY city, flavor tasting parties have become mildly popular where people pop some of these culinary chameleons and then down pickles, lemons, hot sauce, or all of the above at once! Any kind of sour/tart/acidic foods are changed to unusual sweet flavor combinations.
The fruit has something called "Miraculin" in it. (Real inventive scientific name huh?) Miraculin is a Glycoprotein that has no flavor in and of itself, but will alter your perception of flavor for up to an hour.
An article in the New York Times quoted tasters opinions as thus:
"limes were candied, vinegar resembled apple juice, goat cheese tasted like cheesecake on the tongue and goat cheese on the throat. Bananas were just bananas."
The berries are available to order over the Internet, but they are very expensive and perish quickly. They sell for about $2 or more a piece, and a freezer pack box of 30 is about $90 mailed overnight to your door.
Before you throw in the towel on "flavor tripping" parties being out of your price range, there are several companies that manufacture the berries in tablet form now and it is much less expensive.
I may have to spring for a box and let you know what it's like. The only question is, what food to try first? Maybe a bottle of Guiness with a Tabasco chaser? What, you don't think chocolate truffles and strawberry jam go together?
Reverend Rick
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